we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it's like heaven, but drunker
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
