And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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