He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize