you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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