I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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