fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize