i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
