I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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