Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My vagina just recognized that song.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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