yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
why does every cop we meet know your name?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
