Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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