new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
