I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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