She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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