im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
