so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
