I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
