Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize