actually, I'm a sock model
I accidentally burped into my bong.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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