i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize