I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
