My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
