i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
