i may or may not be watching the land before time
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
