Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
