I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I am one with the molecules
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
