Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
