i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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