i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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