Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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