He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize