I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
