As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
