Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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