Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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