she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize