Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
