i already hear my dad disowning me
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
