Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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