Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
