he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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