I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
