the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
