okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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