I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
