He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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