just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
