booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Two words: nipple clamps
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