they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize