In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
