And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
