I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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