I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We got so high we made milksteak
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
