Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
