when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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