I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
