dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
