My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
