If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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