I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
