So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
