i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
