Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
