so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
