I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
