your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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