I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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