My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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