Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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