eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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