wat bout pragnant strippers??
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
