Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
