So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
