im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
