Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
