soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Randomize
