just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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