Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
