I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he puts the penis in happiness.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
