I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hello my rib-scented angel!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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