If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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